When Couples Have Different Religions: How to Make it Work

Did your parents ever teach you to, “Never talk about politics or religion”? Well… let’s break one of those rules!

 

I opened up the opportunity for you all to ask questions to help direct my blog. And, I welcome any more that you have. I will do my best to tackle some of the questions that come through, unless of course it is something that I know nothing about. (If you ask me how to build a house, I am going to have to pass.)

 

Here was a question that I received: “Something that has been on my mind is regarding being in a relationship with someone that shares a different religious path… Can you chunk up religion? Or is that a core value that can not be compromised or reframed? Thank you for this opportunity, Mahalo nui loa”

 

First, thank you for the question! This is one that I have received at our Huna workshop from time to time.  Now, Huna is not a religion. If anything, you would look at Huna as more of a spiritual practice and a study of empowerment. I would prefer not to go into detail on Huna here. If you would like to know more, please scan through the Huna blogs here,  or check out my new book on Huna.

 

Let’s jump into the question at hand: What if you are in a relationship with someone that has a different faith?

 

In many ancient cultures, you were not allowed to marry outside your religion. In fact, it was strongly emphasized that you should marry within your religion. Huna, not NLP, explains why this is so.

 

There are four aspects to who we are:

 

  1. Energy (or Spiritual)
  2. Mental
  3. Emotional
  4. Physical.

 

Papa Bray (the individual that taught my father Huna) discussed the importance of these four aspects in relationships. There is a helpful formula and it goes like this: Similarity and difference create a polarity and attraction.

 

In an ideal relationship, you have a:

 

  • Similarity on the Spiritual level
  • Difference on the mental level
  • Similarity on the emotional level
  • Difference on the physical.

 

Air Energy

 

I do believe that the words similar and different are going to be defined by the individuals. For example,  have you ever been in a relationship with someone that thought exactly the same way you did? It is as if the conversation just ends after a while. There is no stimulation of thought. There is no movement of air. The energy of air is related to the mental, and where there is no air, things get stagnant.

 

My wife and I have very different thought processes with work and home. We encourage these difference, because that helps to stimulate the mental aspect of our relationship.

 

Water Energy

 

A close friend of mine is in a relationship with someone that has very different emotions. Now I never think you are going to find it 100% the same. However, when it is 100% different, there are a lot of rough waves to deal with. The emotional aspect is related to the energy of water. So when they’re too different, they’re like the waves colliding in the ocean: Spectacular, but you don’t feel comfortable in it…

 

Fire Energy

 

That brings us to the spiritual (or religious) aspect. That energy is related to fire. And in a relationship, the easiest is to have both people on the same path. That way the fires feed each other and avoid burning the other out.

 

In this day and age, this is easier said than done. Many of us have met and gotten into relationships with persons of other faiths and/or cultures. You have to learn certain things along the path to make the relationship work. I have seen ones that worked, and I have seen ones that have not.

 

My best advise if you are in a relationship that is of a different fire energy (i.e. different religion or spiritual path), that you remember a specific thing: Do what you can to cultivate each other’s fire and support the growth on the other’s path.

 

Your fire is no better than your partner’s, and visa-versa. Honor each others’ passion and energy through support and respect. Avoid teasing or putting down the practice of your partner. And if you know NLP, chunk up on religion / spirituality. Discover each others’ values and hopefully you will find that they are the same.

 

You see, if two people share the same values for religion and spirituality, they can support each other on the path. Yes, even if they have a different practice. With similar goals and values, it’s possible to make the relationship beautiful.

 

Mahalo,
Dr Matt

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