Dr Matt James http://www.drmatt.com NLP Training & Huna Training Blog Wed, 30 Sep 2015 13:45:18 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.8 5 Tips to Defeat Autumn Anxiety http://www.drmatt.com/2015/09/30/5-tips-to-defeat-autumn-anxiety/ http://www.drmatt.com/2015/09/30/5-tips-to-defeat-autumn-anxiety/#respond Wed, 30 Sep 2015 13:45:18 +0000 http://www.drmatt.com/?p=3061 bench-forest-trees-path


Fall often signals new beginnings at work. Businesses launch that fourth quarter scramble to meet optimistic corporate goals set earlier in the year. We show up to work to find that we’ve got new urgent projects to implement or demanding objectives to reach before the holidays hit. To top it off, the easy-going traffic of summer has turned into grinding gridlock now that everyone’s back from vacation!

Autumn might be a beautiful season — but it can be loaded with anxiety!

When you’re anxious you assume that a) the outcome of what’s about to happen will be negative and b) you probably won’t handle it well. Anxiety is all about how you perceive something that hasn’t even happened yet.

It’s all in your mind (along with everything else) so the key is to change your mind, right?

In my recent Huffington Post article, 5 Tips to Defeat Autumn Anxiety, I talk about what anxiety is, and 5 ways to help you through it.

To read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matthew-b-james-phd/5-tips-to-defeat-autumn-anxiety_b_8197074.html


Dr. Matt

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Casting Light on the Shadow http://www.drmatt.com/2015/09/22/casting-light-on-the-shadow/ http://www.drmatt.com/2015/09/22/casting-light-on-the-shadow/#comments Tue, 22 Sep 2015 22:55:16 +0000 http://www.drmatt.com/?p=3055 7F3A420F7A“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. . . . But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected.”

Carl Jung

For the past few months, I’ve talked about the Shadow (Dancing with the Shadow and Uh Oh! The Shadow is ME). By now, you might be thinking of a zillion things that sound more fun than integrating your messy, ugly Shadow-self, right? Is it really worth all that effort?

Yes, it is.

Because, as Carl Jung put it:

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

In other words, if your objective is to become actualized or empowered or enlightened or whatever you call the optimal you that you want to be, you can’t avoid integrating that Shadow.

So let’s recap: In the first stage, you project your Shadow “out there” in the world. All those things that tick you off or upset you? That’s the Shadow rearing its nasty head.

In the second stage, the Shadow creeps in closer and closer. ”We’re surrounded!”That pesky Shadow seems to show up everywhere. You feel like you’re in the middle of a scene out of Arachnophobia!

Most people stop right here. They keep projecting the Shadow outward so they don’t have to face what’s inside. But when you deny the Shadow, you deny a huge part of yourself. You remained blocked creatively, energetically, emotionally, even sexually!

Though necessary, the third stage is tough because you have to acknowledge that the Shadow is within, not out there. You have the capacity to be and express all those qualities and actions you detest or fear. Your Shadow slams into who you believe you are and every value you hold dear.

If you take a really deep breath and admit that, yes, the Shadow is within you, you often find yourself in Stage Four, the “Mea Culpa” stage. You’re now clear that you’ve been pointing fingers at other people and beating them up for being such villains in your life. And now you feel rotten about that because you realize it’s been you all along!

If you’ve done some personal growth work and released a lot of guilt, this fourth phase is a bit easier. This phase is all about guilt: guilt for how you’ve behaved or things you’ve said, even your thoughts! The remorse kicks in: “I shouldn’t have been so judgmental, so unkind, so intolerant.” In the prior stages, we mistakenly blamed others. In this stage, we lay a lot of blame on ourselves.

A friend of mine used to have a motto: “I am only judgmental of judgmental people.” Then one day at lunch, he said to me, “You know, that was judgmental of me, I was really mean.” Definitely a Stage Four realization.

Within this stage, you need to realize that it’s not about being judgmental or mean (or whatever Shadow quality you had). It’s just that you were too rigid. You took such a strong position that you were out of balance. You became so rigid in your position that its opposite had to get pushed out.

It’s important to let go of the negative emotion around that. To realize that the Shadow was just trying to rebalance you. You’ve got to forgive yourself. You’ve got to forgive others. You’ve got to let go of guilt.

Marilyn Manson may not be the person you want to model your life after. But he does have some insight into accepting the Shadow:  

“All the seven deadly sins are man’s true nature. To be greedy. To be hateful. To have lust. Of course, you have to control them, but if you’re made to feel guilty for being human, then you’re going to be trapped in a never-ending sin-and-repent cycle that you can’t escape from.”

Take the example of laziness: We might reject a full blown couch potato life-style. But could we accept a little relaxation and down time every once in a while? It’s not “doing nothing” versus being a workaholic. Giving yourself time off to just enjoy life every once in a while might be a good middle ground.

Whatever Shadow quality or behavior you’re working on, remember that the unconscious mind is just attempting to gain balance between opposite or opposing viewpoints.

And if you release the negative emotions and accept those Shadow aspects of yourself, you come to the Fifth (and final!) Stage: It’s All Okay. You just see God in everyone. Everything is valid and has its place. You see that everyone can have their own belief system, their own value system.

There can still be a paradox. I can see people who have negative or bad intention, but it’s no longer a conflict or something that I feel compelled to stop. It’s not my job to stop “evildoers.” I realize everyone has a different path. Recognizing this and reconciling the Shadow essentially helps you to live 100% in the concept of “perception as projection.” You can now say, “This is who I am. And it’s okay that you are that way or he is that way or she is that way. It’s all okay.”

We can hold that paradox with peace in our hearts. We even wonder how that projection (in retrospect, that silly projection) could have become such an extreme issue. Have you ever thought, “I can’t believe how big a deal I made about that”? If so, you know how it feels to have Shadow resolution.

I’ve had students protest: “I refuse to do this because then evildoers will become okay.” No, they won’t. It is definitely not okay that people harm others.

If I saw someone beating up another person, I would do everything in my power to stop it and/or prevent it in the first place. When an action is not appropriate, it should give you a charge. It’s not appropriate to smack someone around. And, after it’s done and months have gone by, if you still have a charge on the event, then you have some Shadow issues to deal with.

“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”

Nathaniel Branden

For more about Shadow work, check out my latest book: Integrate the Shadow, Master Your Path.


Dr. Matt


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5 Secrets to Getting Yourself To Do What You Don’t Want To Do http://www.drmatt.com/2015/09/09/do-what-you-dont-want-to-do/ http://www.drmatt.com/2015/09/09/do-what-you-dont-want-to-do/#respond Wed, 09 Sep 2015 17:13:29 +0000 http://www.drmatt.com/?p=3050 bench-890045_1280Aloha,

In my trainings and seminars lately, I’ve been focusing a lot on what I call Empowerment Fit because I recognize that physical health and fitness is key to empowerment and optimal performance in all areas of life. As I teach about it, I see my students getting jazzed and eager to get on board and turn their health and fitness around! Yes!

Then within a month, the emails start: “I just can’t get my body out of bed in the morning to work out.” “I joined a gym but I can’t find the time to get there.” “I loaded my ‘fridge with veggies but can’t stop craving (and binging) on Ding Dongs!” The emails all end by asking for “Help!”

These are sincere people who are determined to live according to their best intentions, not their excuses. Yet they find themselves stuck in the vortex of really not wanting to do what they know they need to do to get what they want.

Can you relate?

In my most recent Psychology Today article, 5 Secrets To Do What You Don’t Want To Do, I go over five secrets to help get yourself to do what you need to do —that you don’t want to do— to get what you most desire.

Read more here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/focus-forgiveness/201509/5-secrets-do-what-you-don-t-want-do


Dr. Matt

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Turning Fear Into Power http://www.drmatt.com/2015/09/01/turning-fear-into-power/ http://www.drmatt.com/2015/09/01/turning-fear-into-power/#respond Tue, 01 Sep 2015 22:01:27 +0000 http://www.drmatt.com/?p=3044 Aloha,sky-sunset-clouds-sun

I remember checking out that book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway!, back in the ‘80’s. And while I applaud anyone whose intention is to help others break through barriers to a more fulfilling life, I question whether that’s really the best way to deal with fear. Here’s my thinking:

It’s true that most of our barriers are self-imposed and many of our fears are “False Evidence Appearing Real.” But to me, staying in fear as you try to do what you’re afraid of is like riding the waves on a skate board. It might kinda work — but you’re definitely surfing at a disadvantage!

In my newest Huffington Post article, Turning Fear Into Power, I talk about the difference between appropriate fear and inappropriate or unwanted fearand how a Neuro-Linguistic Programming technique called Mental Emotional Release (MER) can release persistent or unwarranted fear.

Think about it: Fear isn’t a rational, conscious process, so if we want to be rid of unwarranted fear, the place where the release needs to happen is in the unconscious mind.

To read more from my Huffington Post article, click here:

May you be fearless!


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A Better Reason to Be Fit http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/24/a-better-reason-to-be-fit/ http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/24/a-better-reason-to-be-fit/#respond Mon, 24 Aug 2015 13:45:28 +0000 http://www.drmatt.com/?p=3038 2015-08-14-1439595279-8246779-sports768430_1280Aloha,

Here’s a question for you: Why do you exercise? Why do you try to stay in shape?

(And if you don’t exercise and hate everything about keeping fit, keep reading. You just may change your attitude.)

The fitness world seems to think that killer abs and skinny thighs should be motivation enough to put in hours of grinding away at the gym (by the way, I don’t know who came up with the idea of “the gap,” but it’s an concept that needs to be retired immediately). Your doctor may think that strengthening your heart, lowering cholesterol or preventing diabetes is plenty of reason to spend hours of your precious time sweating away at activities you hate. That wedding coming up or your high school reunion? Surely that’s strong enough motivation to stick to that healthy diet and shed some pounds, right?

I’m not feelin’ it.

Most of us have come to accept some form of the mind-body-spirit connection. Yet in our activities, we treat the three as separate units. We work out and jog for the body. We study for the mind and read self-help books or go to seminars for psychological well-being. We pray or meditate for the spiritual side of us.

We’ve set up false silos within a system that has no separation.

In my newest Huffington Post article “A Better Reason to Be Fit“, I show you through both experience and research that exercising is as much about your emotional/mental/spiritual health as your physical health. The technical reasons for the mental/emotional benefits of exercise may be complicated. But the bottom line is not: Exercise makes you feel better emotionally and perform better mentally almost instantly. You probably know this from your own experience.

To read more, click this link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matthew-b-james-phd/a-better-reason-to-be-fit_b_7990700.html 

To your TOTAL empowerment!

Dr. Matt

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Jumpstart Your Spiritual Awakening: CLASS Replay & Special Offer http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/20/jumpstart-replay-special-offer/ http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/20/jumpstart-replay-special-offer/#respond Thu, 20 Aug 2015 23:06:45 +0000 http://www.drmatt.com/?p=3032 woman-570883_1280Aloha,

Did you miss my “Jumpstart Your Spiritual Awakening with NLP and Huna” interview I did for the Conscious Life Awakened Speaker Series?

No worries, you can Access the replay here!

Here are some items we covered in the call:

– When and why you DON’T want to do affirmations
– What NLP and Huna are and how they can benefit you
– What reframing is and how you can benefit from it
– What the most important kind of rapport is and how you can cultivate it
– How you can quickly tap into “the flow” with hakalau (it’s amazingly simple to do and you can feel yourself shift as you do it)

And much much more!

Also here’s a snippet from CLASS Vicki Howie’s email that went out to her listeners.
Check it out…there is a special offer that we’re sharing with you!

And as usual, at the end of the call, Matt offered a CLASS special for those of us who wish to go deeper.

As someone who has invested thousands of dollars in live training with Matt and the Empowerment Partnership (from which the downloadable programs were created), I can say firsthand that ALL of their programs are top notch.

And for this reason, their courses are rarely on sale. This is why I am so proud to announce that Dr. Matt’s Special CLASS Offer “Transform Your Life Now with the Power of NLP & Huna” is 78% off — with 114 awesome MP3s priced at only $97 (less than a dollar each!!!).

You can check it all out here.

And if you grab it by this Sunday (midnight), you’ll also get a Bonus Video Program from Dr. Matt, “How to Reboot Your Brain.” 

Here’s the link to the replay: http://www.awakenwithclass.com/matt-james/
Here’s the link to the special offer: http://www.awakenwithclass.com/matt-james-special-offer/

Dr. Matt

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How to Live Abundantly http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/18/how-to-live-abundantly/ http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/18/how-to-live-abundantly/#respond Tue, 18 Aug 2015 14:00:43 +0000 http://www.drmatt.com/?p=3024 chair-731171_1280Aloha,

I came across an article I wanted to share called “How to Get Rid of Clutter and Live Abundantly“. It’s from the site, the Toast. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the site, it’s primarily humor. Please keep that in mind as you read the article :-)

You can appreciate this article as pure humor (it gave me a few laughs!) …and you can also go deeper and say to yourself, “What can I learn from this about de-cluttering and abundance? or about letting go? Why should I care?”

Well there’s a learning in everything, isn’t there?

Here are some of my favorites:

  • “The only thing that belongs in your refrigerator is mindfulness.”
  • “You can produce argan oil by letting go of anger”
  • “Empty your cupboards. You are ready to nourish yourself now.”

To read the full article, click here: http://the-toast.net/2015/02/24/get-rid-clutter-live-abundantly/

Hope you enjoy this as much as I do!

Dr. Matt

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How to Jumpstart Your Spiritual Awakening http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/14/jump-start-your-spiritual-awakening/ http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/14/jump-start-your-spiritual-awakening/#respond Fri, 14 Aug 2015 23:16:31 +0000 http://www.drmatt.com/?p=3013 person jumping

I’m excited to be doing an interview on Tuesday the 18th at 5pm Pacific as part of the Conscious Life Awakened Speaker Series (CLASS). My topic for this interview is “Jumpstart Your Spiritual Awakening with NLP and Huna”

 You can sign up for access to the interview and access to the replays of this interview, by entering your email address on this page here: http://www.awakenwithclass.com/

In this interview, I will help you discover how the scientifically proven strategies of NLP and the ancient Hawaiian esoteric practices of Huna can help you attain spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical strength so that you can become fully empowered on your path.

– Unlock the power and vast resources of your unconscious mind.
– Improve the communication and connection between you and your higher self.
– Understand how energy works and how you can make it work for you.
– Learn how to turn any set back into and opportunity.
– Learn strategies for releasing past emotional baggage.

When you join, you’ll get two bonuses from CLASS Host, Vicki Howie: a free download of her beautiful “Heart Chakra Healing Song” and her popular Ho’oponopono Meditation for cultivating love and forgiveness.

So be sure to opt in to the free CLASS Series here, and I’ll “see” you there!


Dr Matt
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Uh Oh! The Shadow is ME! http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/11/the-shadow-is-me/ http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/11/the-shadow-is-me/#comments Tue, 11 Aug 2015 13:45:49 +0000 http://www.drmatt.com/?p=3007 “We have met the enemy and he is us!”sillhouette girl

Walter Kelly,

creator of the Pogo cartoon strip

In my last blog, I started talking about the Shadow and how to recognize it. The Shadow is everything that reminds you of what you really don’t like or think just isn’t good or right. It’s what you are really trying to not be.

In the first stage of integrating, you project your Shadow “out there” in the world. It’s anything that angers, upsets or even just plain irritates you. The Shadow of an avowed feminist might be weak females or cultures that subjugate women.  A dedicated good citizen might be sensitive to crooks or even jaywalkers.

By the second stage, the Shadow projection seems to be coming closer. “We’ve been infiltrated. It could be anyone!” You start seeing whatever it is that pushes your buttons all around you. This is the stage that become a like witch hunt: You protect yourself from the Shadow by accusing everyone around you of being that “evil” thing.

The truth is, the vast majority of people never get beyond these two stages. Evil remains “out there” and we refuse to admit that we hold these Shadow qualities within us. The problem with this approach is that by denying the Shadow, you deny a large part of yourself. You remained blocked creatively, spiritually, emotionally, even sexually! By integrating the Shadow, you can become fully expressed and alive, or as Jung described it, “self-actualized.”

In this blog, I’ll talk about the next stage and how to move through it.

Stage Three: The third phase is in a sense trickier than the first two stages. It’s when you realize that the quality or traits you most hate is actually within you. This realization creates great internal conflict with the values you cherish and beliefs you have about yourself.

The conflict of Stage Three can show up in a number of ways. For example, say a politician has publicly grandstanded against gays and lesbians. Then suddenly it’s revealed that he’s been involved in same-sex liaisons for years. (This is just hypothetical of course. This would never happen, right?) In this case, the person tried so hard to deny his Shadow that it had to burst forth and act out, almost out of control!

The conflict of Shadow traits within us can also show up as extreme guilt. An honest woman may feel wracked with guilt simply because she feels tempted to embezzle from her company. Rather than accept that desire – and that it isn’t necessary to act out on it – she may internalize the projection and begin perceiving herself as bad or flawed.

The key here is to be proactive about recognizing your Shadow projections and accepting that they are part of you.

It’s important to note that the Shadow may not be an exact match to what irritates or angers you. Your Shadow might be a larger concept and what irks you is just an example of it. For example, a student of mine used to get really bent out of shape because “people are so messy.” His “enemy” left her dirty dishes in the sink and her shoes all over the place. When he looked at that, he really couldn’t see that he himself was messy. So I asked him, “What is messy an example of?”  He decided that messiness was a sign of being inconsiderate. “And what is inconsiderate an example of?” In his mind, it was an example of not caring about others or being self-centered. And this was the Shadow that really bothered him. At that point, he had to question himself: “Am I uncaring or self-centered?”

Acceptance becomes the key here.  Of course, you’re selfish and self-centered! We all are, at least sometimes. It’s part of being human. And by accepting that, this student was able to recognize what he hadn’t been expressing in his life: He was so concerned about being caring of others that he wasn’t really taking care of himself. He actually needed to be a bit more Self-centered.

Another example: One of my close friends, Kathy Singh became a vegan, and immediately became a righteous vegan. “As soon as I became a vegan, I suddenly saw everyone else around me eating meat,” she said. “I hadn’t noticed it before. I didn’t realize how many people ate meat. And I thought I had to take up a cause.” (Stage one and Two)

But after a while, she noticed something else: “I realized that they had something that I didn’t have. They could go to any restaurant and eat something. They had a flexibility that I so desperately desired, an ability to express themselves.” It took her a while, but finally she figured out how to give herself that flexibility too.

That Shadow behavior you see in others and finally in yourself is not appearing because your unconscious mind wants to torment you. It’s appearing to signal you that a part of you is craving expression.

In my own example, I remember years ago having a strong reaction to stories about rape. I’d flash on some newscast talking about someone who had been sexually assaulted and I’d just lose it. I talked it through with my father and it was clear to both of us that I didn’t harbor some deep desire to assault someone. So I did a lot of soul searching.

Suddenly, it dawned on me that, in the relationship I was in at the time, I had no freedom of expression within our intimacy. I had no freedom to say, “Here’s what I enjoy. Here’s what I don’t enjoy.” I felt almost a shame and a fear, a fear that translated into anger, about expressing who and what I was.

To bring this conflict to my attention, my Shadow put the most extreme of what I am not out there in front of me. It might seem easier to ignore this kind of thing. To avoid it rather than to truly critically look at yourself and say, “If this is bothering me so much, what do I need to know?” But the price of avoiding the Shadow’s messages is living an unsatisfying, unexpressed life.

Stay tuned until next time when we’ll cover the next two stages: Mea Culpa, and finally, It’s All Okay.

This final quote could describe the perfect approach to our Shadow:

“To the artist there is never anything ugly in nature.”

Auguste Rodin

Be an artist with your life and until next time, have fun noticing the Shadow within!


Dr. Matt


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What Does Your Body Say About You? http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/04/what-your-body-says-about-you/ http://www.drmatt.com/2015/08/04/what-your-body-says-about-you/#respond Tue, 04 Aug 2015 13:45:25 +0000 http://www.drmatt.com/?p=2999 introspective womanAloha,

When you think of what your body says about you, do you think about these things?

  • What your sagging middle or 6-pack abs might say to other people
  • What you “hear” from your reflection in the mirror
  • The signals your body tries to give you
  • Your body type and what that announces about you
  • What your body says to your physician or healer
  • What your body says about your character

Whatever your answer was, it indicates something about your relationship to your body.

Several years ago, here’s what my body said to me, “Matt, you aren’t really walking your talk. Based on how you treat your physical body, you aren’t really living the totally empowered life you’re telling others is possible.”

In my newest Psychology Today article “What does your body say about you?”, I help you uncover what your body is trying to tell you and why you want to be listening.

To read more, click this link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/focus-forgiveness/201508/what-does-your-body-say-about-you



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